For My Old Hour 4 Buddies
ShameI'm willing to bet you $100 bucks any of you knew what I was thinking the last few months of school. Besides "I can't wait to get out of school". That is what EVERY kid was thinking. Additionally, I was thinking about how I couldn't wait to hang out with everyone I wanted to, to make up for the time we couldn't have during the school year.
Well, now I have it and I haven't done a darn good thing with it.
I haven't hung out nearly as much with everyone as I wanted to. There was so much I wanted to accomplish this summer and I haven't accomplished any of it. I wanted to get together with Alyssa and story plot and look at music stuff, but have I? Sure…on June 11th. It's July 18th, and I haven't talked to her since. Oh wait…that's a lie. I've seen her twice since then, but we were at the movie theatre, watching Wolverine and 17 Again. I briefly talked to her a couple of weeks ago to see if the movie for that night was still on. But that was only a 2 minute conversation.
I wanted to have sleep over parties galore. Yeah, hasn't happened at all. With anyone.
The same thing goes for Janell. Yes…we've gotten together a little more than Alyssa and I have, but I feel as if I'm just not calling you enough or invite you to places with me. I'm at a loss for myself.
Am I a terrible friend?
Yes, yes I am.
Devious Comments
okay, just kidding you are not a fool,
but you ARE being pessimistic.
there is still plenty of summer left,
and all you need is some motivation, my friend.
this should tell people you need that.
we shall call you.
or you could call us.
or we could call you and tell you to call us.
or you could tell us to call you when we are available.
and about inviting me places,
its mmkay.
its not like im sitting here saying
BAH SHE NEVER CALLS!
like i do with lauren,
but thats completely different.
youve had....crap...
going on and i dont blame you for being busy.
just call.
only YOU can do that.
wannna hang out tommorow?
did i spell tomorrow wrong?
wtf?
ranting makes me spell badly
oh and i thought you would like this one >>
i do miss you, though
my issue with all of this is that
i'm so afraid
i'm so afraid every second
that i'm not wanted
that nobody wants to see me
nobody wants to hang out with me
because every time i call someone
they can't
they won't
they don't want to
and then i discover
that so many people
have gotten together without me
and i think
maybe there's a reason for this
maybe nobody wants me to join them
nobody thinks i'm interested
nobody thinks i'd want to
so i sit
days on end
write angsty poetry
and wait
for someone to call
i apologize too for not calling more...i've been waiting on you. and then when i do call, you aren't home...and that sucks even worse. and then today i called janell, and u were both together somewhere else........
--
a sister
a daughter
a friend
a listener
a caregiver
a smile
a hug
a wish
a dream
a hope
the plain and simple...
me
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